Creepy Cast Photos - Pa's on a Rampage!

This is Pa, aka Marty. He's great at chasing people into the clown house. They come in screaming, with their hearts racing and out of breath. Often, just when people think they're safe, Pa slams the wall of the clown house with his pitchfork, growling "Git outta my corn!"

Imagine having this guy jump out at you from a dark corn field and start chasing you with his pitchfork!

More Creepy Cast Photos - The Farmer's Daughter

Here's Stormie, my original clown partner. She's hanging out back stage, all smiling and unsuspecting....

Suddenly, she's grabbed by the throat!

Here's Stormie all dressed up and ready for action. It's no wonder she's in this condition, many people find her irresistible. Her character stands on a bridge and as people pass by, her belly is often fondled; one night her butt was even grabbed. As you can see, she's had a run-in with her pa's pitchfork. I don't think he's too happy about her "dating" habits.

She's found the perfect place to put her water bottle. Nothing like having a built-in shelf!

Stormie has a bit of a twisted sense of humor. She was cooking up a plan on how to "give birth" to the two-headed baby in such a way that it would go over the edge of the bridge and the "umbilical cord" would strap to her leg and then coil around the baby and act like a yo-yo or bungee. While in questionable taste, it would be both freaky and funny as heck.

Creepy Cast Photos - TJ the Terrible

This is TJ. His character may be the Farmer's Daughter's "baby daddy."

Looking like he's had a rather nasty run-in with Pa's pitchfork, his makeup stays more or less the same; he is usually dressed as either the Traveling Salesman or the Farm Worker.

TJ beginning the process of pulling his wounds off. With the pizza in the background, it looks quite reminiscent of mozzarella cheese. Yum!

It was raining pretty hard at the start of shift. You can see how TJ's fake blood has been running.

It's No Fun Being a Sick Clown

Weekend Three - We Love Screamers!

We got our boo on out at Maris Farms Haunted Woods http://www.marisfarmshauntedwoods.com/ Friday through Sunday last weekend. It was a blast! I'm not getting tired of this experience at all. Contrary to that, I eagerly look forward to playing with the cast and customers.

One of my favorite lines of the weekend comes from Jill, my partner in clown. I overheard her say to another actor, "I love watching you peel your face off." (It is important to note that this comment was made while we were applying makeup.)

We partnered up with TJ and perfected our "distract and surprise attack" moves as the evenings' progressed. I know I wouldn't want to have this guy jump out at me from a dark corn maze. His voice is loud and booming as he leaps out and yells, he also has a way of following people and simply staring at them in silence. I give TJ an 9 out of 10 scream/surprise rating and an 8 out of 10 for creep factor.

Things are are weird and wonderful over the course of a weekend. Friday was party people, most had been getting some spirits into them before coming to get the crap scared out of them. It was a rough crowd. At one point I was handed a condom. (It was unused and in the wrapper, if you must know.) I didn't realize what the guy had handed me until he walked away. It was one of those times that I thought of a good line after the moment had passed. If I had been quicker I would have laughed wickedly, "Thanks! I know you won't be needing this tonight!" On Friday night 2427 people came through the experience.

Due to a snafu with my regular costume, I wore something different. It was pants, shirt and jacket. At first I thought the pants wouldn't fit, that they were too small. As it turns out, they were loose.

At one point I realized that my pants had fallen down half way...the back half.

Hey, do these clown pants make my butt look funny?

I get a lot of compliments on my hair. I'm sure you can see why. Look, look upon my clownish beauty! (That's what I say to people who can't stand to even look at clowns.) I have to be sure to pin it on to my head. It popped off just when I burst out to scare some people. At least we all got a good laugh out of it.

We have three goals: Make 'em scream, make 'em laugh, make 'em jump. We love it when we hear screamers coming down the path. Inevitably Jill will say from her hiding spot, in her evil clown voice, "Screamerrrrrssss." And I'll reply, "We love screamerrrrsssss!"

I still love following people and saying, "Don't sleep, clowns will eat you. Yum, yum, yum!" Jill came up with a great line, "We'll catch up to you later, we like our meat warm."

Saturday night the crowd was teenagers, lots of teenagers. Though fairly rude and crude, they are mostly out for a good time and they're having fun. I get such a kick out of the groups of screaming girls. Even better are the boys who scream like girls. Lots and lots of screamers. On Saturday Maris Farms broke their previous attendance records when a whopping 3673 victims, er, people waited hours in line for their chance to pee their pants in delight as they walked the haunted trail.

Here are some photos of my partner getting ready:
Jill, fresh faced and ready to start.

Here's Jill with her second clown face attached.

Here is Jill in all her clownish glory! She is a terrific clown, with a scare/surprise rate of 7 out of 10 and a creep factor of 8 out of 10. Her timing is impeccable and she can often get a scream out of someone just by looking at them. I'm sure you can see why.

On Sunday the crowd had many families. We were only open two hours and 665 people came through the tour.

This is an awesome experience and I'm grateful to be a part of something bigger than myself. I have lots more to write about. I succumbed to a nasty flu virus on Monday the 17th and I've been fighting it all week. I even missed Thursday and Friday, 20 & 21 of "work." I am determined to return tomorrow, the 22nd. I hate missing the fun! Now it's off to bed, to get some good rest.

Clown Jokes - Are they all funny?

When I'm standing in the neon clown house, listening to circus music playing in a loop, waiting for people to scare, I'm often thinking about clown jokes.

Please use the comment section to share your clown joke with the word "funny" in the punchline.

Let's laugh (or groan) together!

Blessings,
Kelly

The Boo Goes On - Weekend Two

As darkness falls over Maris Farms Haunted Woods, excitement pulses through the cast trailer. As actors apply makeup and climb into costumes they are transformed into a diverse, ghoulish tribe, ready to surprise, startle, creep out, gross out, crack up and scare.

On Friday I arrived to learn that I have a new partner. Stormie, my original partner, had a skin reaction to the latex makeup. She's now playing the part of "deranged pregnant farmer's daughter." My new partner is Jill and we are quickly finding our rhythm together. We are working out our mutual timing and finding new ideas for distraction and stealth. Jill is enthusiastic and fun to work with; well, really we're playing together.

Rebecca, Queen of Creative Costuming, is the source of my favorite line of the weekend. Friday night I wore a different costume because my original needs hemming. The new costume is black with big, multi-colored neon polka dots all over it and a pink ruffled neck. Rebecca pulled the neon yellow/orange ruffled neck piece from my first costume and offered it to me to add to the polka dot costume. "Here, would you like this?" she asked, and then hesitated a beat before saying, in all seriousness, "Unless it's too tacky." I laughed and laughed. I'm standing there in a huge polka-dotted costume and she's worried about me looking tacky. Ha.

One of the things we actors are told over and over again is that ANYONE walking through the pathway is fair game to be scared. This includes The Powers That Be, all support staff and security guards. On Friday I managed to make our designated security guard jump big time! Yay me! Woo-hoo! Score!

Friday night we used an air horn for awhile. The Powers That Be generously provided it for us to try out. Chalk it up to "seemed like a good idea at the time." The air horn rarely worked and it ran out of air quite quickly. Ultimately we rely on our voices throughout the weekend. My new favorite line is, "Don't sleep, clowns will eat you!" My favorite line that Jill uses is, "Come on in, we're just clownin' around!" Add to that loads of deranged, wicked laughter. Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!! I checked out another electronic voice changer and after giving it some thought I've decided that I thrive on the interactive part of this job. I enjoy using my voice, even though it gets worn out.

Once again The Powers That Be supplied food for the actors after our shifts. Friday it was burgers or kielbasa dogs and Saturday it was pizza. After a long and active shift the fuel is drastically needed. Nothing like scaring people for hours to work up a good hunger and the food tastes terrific. Here's a grateful shout-out to The Powers That Be for taking such good care of us.

Second best to scaring people and hearing those four magic words ("I peed my pants!") is scaring people right off their feet and onto their butts. This happened twice and it was hilarious. I'm glad I'm a clown; I can crack myself up and not break character.

A young girl, maybe 12, came through with her parents and she had nerves of steel. Though she was calm and somewhat reserved, she was genuinely interested in the experience, admiring our costumes and makeup. Fascinating.

A woman came through with her grandma, at least 70 or older. The older woman was grasping the younger woman by the shoulders, averting her eyes and trying not to look at us. Bringing up the rear were two men, cool and detached. Way to protect grandma, guys.

I'm not so thrilled with parents who overestimate what their young children can handle and don't use their best judgment about bringing them through such an intense experience. I understand that the parents have paid for tickets, waited in line and don't want to leave the tour. AND I am dismayed to see hysterical children being pressured to continue. There are good reasons that Maris Farms does not recommend this for children under twelve.

The people I like best have come with every intention to have a great time. They are ready to either scream their way through or laugh their way through. They fully embrace the experience. Here's a tip: When you go through the Haunted Woods tell the actors your friend's names. We'll pass their names along as you move through the tour and personalize our scare tactics.

On Saturday my husband, eldest son, brother and sister came through. To set the scene, Maris Farms is out in the country. Really. In. The. Sticks. So imagine my family's surprise when they round the final corner and get their first glimpse of the farm. They told me they thought there was a concert going on or something. The parking lot was blazing with light, packed with cars and people were everywhere. My family got their tickets and stood in line for awhile before deciding to upgrade to Fast Pass tickets. With the Fast Pass they got right in, otherwise they would have waited two hours to start the tour. They sort of snuck up behind me as I was scaring other people, so I didn't get a chance to jump out and surprise them. They enjoyed the experience and had fun. I know they were each startled at least once during the tour.

Saturday the people just kept appearing, streaming and screaming through the clown house. It is high energy and I have nearly as much suspenseful anticipation as the guests. A few people tried to scare of surprise me, not one succeeded. I was exhausted by the end of the night. Exhausted and happy and satisfied that people had a great time. It was pizza night at the end of the shift and I gratefully scarfed down. We expend tremendous amounts of energy each night and need the fuel at the end of our shifts.

Each performance I've dressed lighter and lighter under my costume. I'm on my feet and quite active the entire evening. When I do stand still it is only for moments and I'm crammed into a little cubby space. By the middle of the shift I'm a hot, sweaty and craving a breeze under my ruffle. I am absolutely not complaining, I'm super glad to be indoors rather than directly in the weather. It's more a matter of learning and adjusting. This Friday I'm breaking out a pair of lightweight summer pants and a tank top. Hopefully, that will help me stay cooler under the costume.

Fortunately, due to drinking Throat Coat tea and using throat lozenges, my voice wasn't as shot as it was last week. I was still hoarse. The upcoming weekend will be our first to work Friday-Sunday, three nights in a row. It will be interesting to see how my voice is come Monday. I never noticed before how much I sing along with the radio. It takes days for my sing-along voice to come back, otherwise I'm squeaking-along or whispering-along. In any case, I know that it will be imperative to rest my voice.

Hey, I like a challenge. Ha. Ha.